The joys of fatherhood - and cleaning up sick
IT certainly cannot be said being a parent is dull.
Not when you’ve had a weekend cleaning sick in the dark then attempting to burst down a bathroom door that had been locked from the inside.
It all started so slowly. After a shift at the Gazette’s coalface on Saturday, I got home to be faced with a quiet Jacob slumped on the settee.
He didn’t perk up much by tea-time and when he snubbed his favourite Saturday tea of pizza and jelly (not on the same plate) we knew all was not well.
And mummy’s prophecy of “he’ll be sick tonight” came retchingly to pass just before midnight.
He’s been ill before, but the last time he was actually sick was on the eve of his first birthday.
And while that was obviously unpleasant for him, he wasn’t really in the position to say – or do – much about it. Now he’s nearly three, he is.
We were awoken by his cry of “mummy” and found him in the middle of his room spinning round like the demon from The Exorcist, vomit spraying the floor.
Mummy got him out and cleaned him up, while I tackled the bed and the carpet.
And because Jacob shares a room with little brother Benjamin, I couldn’t turn the light on and wake him up.
I grabbed Jacob’s Toy Story torch – and threw it down once I realised what the warm slime it was covered in was.
I’m the squeamish sort and really didn’t enjoy being on my hands and knees actively seeking out the contents of my son’s stomach with a cloth and a bottle of Vanish, but that’s the hand fatherhood dealt me and all I could do was play it.
I was all for throwing his Fireman Sam quilt cover out, but mummy ordered me to get rid of the big bits (sorry if you’re having your tea) and rinse it under the shower.
Only I couldn’t. The bathroom door had been locked from the inside.
There’s only one person in our house who ever touches that lock and he was having his head stroked by mummy in my bed while I was stuck with his sick-covered covers.
I barged at it. No luck. I kicked at it. Still no luck. I took a hammer to it and smashed the lock out of the door completely. That got me in. And woke up Benjamin.
The dawn light of Sunday revealed all the bits I had missed in the kids’ bedroom and the massive hole in the bathroom door, which is the latest thing on my “things to do round the house” list.
Still it’s not all bad. How many people get the chance to stick their head through the bathroom door and shout “here’s Johnny” when their wife is shaving her legs?
Perhaps I’ll leave the door as it is.
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Weather for South Shields
Thursday 24 May 2012
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Temperature: 9 C to 20 C
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Wind direction: North east
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