Things I’ve learned this week...

CHEESE CRACKERS ... you can't stop at five, six, seven ...

CHEESE CRACKERS ... you can't stop at five, six, seven ...

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THAT Marks & Spencer’s cheese crackers are the work of the Devil, because it’s impossible to stop at just five, OK six, all right then, seven – maybe – when supposedly having a light lunch.

* That Titanic director James Cameron’s journey to the bottom of the ocean’s very deep and very dark Mariana Trench is the stuff of all your worst nightmares. And, anyway, how did he escape the big squid?!

* That the price of pasties going up won’t affect you because while you like pastry, pastry doesn’t like you.

Nevertheless, you retain a certain nostalgia for Gregg’s cheese and onion version on which you once sustained almost an entire pregnancy.

* That you fail to understand the logic of the gas company getting you to read your own meter ... during which you bang your head on the door lintel and have to go off and have a little whinge and a swear ... after which they send out your bill ... on receipt of which you have another whinge and do a bit more swearing ... and then, lo and behold, their man turns up at the door a few days later to read the *!!* meter anyway!