Richard Ord: Smells like Teen Spirit - or maybe it’s Lynx

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There’s a bluebottle flying around with just one thought on its mind. “Am I ready to give in to temptation?”

You may have seen it. You’d have smelt it first. If you’re near a bluebottle today just lean in and inhale its perfume.

If there’s a musky air of hot chocolate, amber and a hint of red peppercorn notes, then it’s the bluebottle that escaped our house this week after being attacked with a can of Lynx deodorant!

I walked into our house from work to be greeted with an overpowering lungful of the popular armpit deodoriser.

Lynx Dark Temptation to be precise.

Our house stank like a rugby changing room as the players blast their armpits with the nearest available spray can and douse their face and chests with after shave before heading to the bar.

It smelt nothing like the Lynx advertising blurb, which advises the users of its products to “Be ready to give in to any temptation with a sensual blast of sweetness and spice.”

Emerging from this fog of perfumed dry ice was son number one, Bradley, aged 16.

“What have you been doing?”

“I was trying to get a fly,” he said.

“With deodorant?”

“Well, we don’t have any fly spray.”

Ask a silly question…

“Why didn’t you just hit it with a rolled up newspaper?”

“That’d be cruel,” he said.

“But deodorant isn’t going to do anything?”

“Yes it is. It stuns them.”

“You’ve done this before?”

“Yes, I spray them with deodorant. They get stunned. And I set them free.”

Lynx Dark Temptation … for the fly that doesn’t have to try too hard.

The makers of the Lynx brands should take note. Male grooming and pest control sound like the perfect bedfellows if you ask me.

There are some kids sporting tangled messes of beard and head hair that could do with the double whammy of styling gel and bug killer.

Our Bradley doesn’t fall into that category just yet. The tangled mess is not his hair, but his brain.

The reason he was unperturbed by the blast of perfumed air was because he was loaded with cold. He couldn’t smell a thing.

But he had been going through toilet roll like no-one’s business blowing his nose. His bedroom floor was a sea of screwed up toilet paper.

After opening the windows, I told him he could clean up the paper.

An hour later I get a call from my wife. “The toilet’s overflowing. Bradley’s blocked it up with toilet paper. He said you told him to put in there.”

Forget fly spray, do they do a teen spray? … there’s a pest I need controlling desperately.