19 guaranteed ways to annoy a Geordie (allegedly)

"Not visiting a Greggs" is supposed to be one way of annoying a Geordie.
"Not visiting a Greggs" is supposed to be one way of annoying a Geordie.

Would any of these get your goat?

Our national sister-site WOW24/7 has drawn up this tongue-in-cheek list for people planning a visit the North East. What do you make of it?

1. Being a posh Southerner

Forget to pronounce your Ts and Hs and you’ll fit in a lot better than if you mention your best friend Penelope from private school, and how you’ve never been able to finish a pint of bitter in your life, as you’d much rather drink a cosmopolitan on the other side of the river.

2. Being a (badly behaved) student

Whether you’re from Newcastle or Northumbria University there’s no denying that the students have pretty much taken over the Toon. When the diamond strip is flooded with students at night, acting like a bunch of intoxicated baboons in another gang’s territory, you can actually hear the locals’ teeth grinding over the house music blasting from every other house in Jesmond.

3. Mimicking the accent

Although it’s probably one of the most fun accents to interpret, especially when saying words such has ‘jalapeños’ and ‘conjunctivitis,’ anyone can understand why it would get annoying when your natural tongue is repeated back to you, badly and on several occasions, after taking an order in the chip shop at 3am.

4. Disrespecting Ant and Dec

The Geordie duo slide down the back bone of the city and onto our TV screens, with a canny accent and cheesy pop songs. You can’t help but love them, but if you don’t, keep quiet about that in the Toon.

5. Being teetotal

With enough trebles to bring down a herd of elephants and a range of ales to last you a lifetime, there’s no denying that Geordies love a good drink. So buck up, get some paracetamol ready for the morning and chug as many locals as possible under the table.

6. Getting Newcastle mixed up with Middlesbrough

Although it’s a tiny 45 minute drive from the Boro to the Toon, Smoggies and Geordies do not like being told they sound like one another. Especially when it comes to football.

7. Wearing a coat and flats on a night out

If high heels, tight dresses and a layer of glitter to keep you warm doesn’t sound like your kind of night, then steer clear of the Geordie lasses when they come out in force on a Saturday night. Like lionesses protecting their pride, don’t aggravate these fierce coat-less champions.

8. Arguing about football

This should go without saying. Don’t wear red and white.

9. Being unfriendly

Newcastle is known for having some of the loveliest people in the world, and like everyone else, they like to be treated the way they treat others. Just do the opposite to your natural instinct on the Tube in London, and spark up a conversation with anyone at the bus stop, or you’ll seem like a loonie for ignoring their chirpy ‘Good Morning, pet!’

10. Associating with Mackems

Mackems are people from Sunderland, and there will be an everlasting feud. Although no-one can really remember why they hate each other so much.

11. Refering to rolls as Baps, not ‘Stotties’

Fancy a sandwich in a nice white roll? In Newcastle, these are Stotties and there is no telling Geordies otherwise. For added precaution, pretend you know what Pease Pudding is and ask for it in a Stottie with boiled ham. You won’t regret it.

12. Claiming Newcastle is just about Geordie Shore

The raucous and filthy TV show has unfortunately given Newcastle a bad name for anyone who hasn’t been there. But it isn’t all about the booze and bucking. Don’t start every conversation with a Geordie by asking if they’ve met Gaz and Charlotte. They are not cultured celebrities like Ant and Dec.

13. Not liking Billy Elliot

Dancing and prancing his way down the streets of neighbouring Country Durham, even the toughest of Geordies would fight you for disrespecting the North East’s twinkle-toe prince.

14. Presuming Newcastle is uncultured

It’s not just about a massive statue of an angel: Newcastle is home to some of the most prestigious art in the UK. There are beautiful galleries changing all year round (including the Baltic, above), theatre productions and plenty of Geordie buskers lining Northumberland street for personal entertainment as you shop.

15. Disrespecting Gazza or Shearer

It’s football, don’t go there. You have been warned.

16. Not liking Greggs

Not visiting a Greggs in the company’s sacred home of Newcastle is a near-impossible task, with their multitude of branches filling up every other shop window with piles of sausage rolls. So if greasy pastries don’t take your fancy, keep it under your hat as you don’t want to anger a hungry Geordie.

17. Not appreciating the architecture

Newcastle builds bridges like they’re in a competition with the rest of world, or preparing for a zombie invasion that would require a mass-evacuation over the river. Still, the sight of these arches is something that warms the locals’ hearts, along with the gorgeous view of Grey Street that has been voted the finest in Britain.

18. Denying that Mr Bean’s a Geordie

Although you never actually hear him speak, his little yellow mini and teddy come all the way from up North. An entertainer for all over the world, Rowan Atkinson is a proud Geordie and the city is proud to have him.

19. Calling yourself a Northerner (if you’re from the Midlands)

Even with the shared disdain towards stuck-up southerners, Geordies can’t stand it when people from the Midlands claim to be from ‘up North’. Stuck between a rock and hard place, they might be able to fit in a bit better after following this list.