“Dad, can you do me a favour?”
Those words from my eldest son had me reaching for my wallet and shaking my head with faux regret. “Sorry son, can’t help, I think your mam’s taken my last tenner.”
These words were spoken before I’d even opened my wallet.
Clutching my wallet and lying about its contents is my Pavlov’s dog reaction to any request from my offspring.
They don’t want advice from a wise old head (actually, just make that ‘old head’) or to simply say thank you for everything you’ve done for them. No, they want money or a lift … or both.
On this occasion, however, I was almost wrong. (Which is a rarity in itself. As I point out to my children on a regular basis, I have only ever been wrong once in my entire life and that was the day I said: “I’m bound to be wrong one day.”) Turns out our Bradley didn’t want money, he wanted my vote.
“Can you vote for Jeremy Corbyn at General Election for me,” he said.
“No,” I told him, “but can I ask why?”
“He’s going to scrap tuition fees,” he said. “It’ll save me money.”
Ah, politics, it’s all about looking after number one.
His request for my vote was, in a roundabout way, a demand for money. If Corbyn doesn’t make it into power, I’ll be funding his university fees. I had to admire Brad’s chutzpah. One, for have the audacity to demand my vote so he can save a few bob and, two, for thinking he can get to university in the first place.
Things may have changed since I was a lad, but I’m pretty sure you have to pass some exams before you can get to university.
Our Bradley’s idea of revision is to surround himself with textbooks and hope, by some process of osmosis, that the facts will somehow seep into his brain. I have suggested he try and open the books and read them, but, hey, what do I know?
He’s not getting my vote, though Mr Corbyn is clearly trying to woo mine, not with money, but with holidays. Bank holidays to be precise. Four of them!
It’s tempting. Though when I first read this story and heard the anger directed at the Labour leader, I thought he was taking bank holidays off us.
‘Pathetic, stupid and deluded’ were just some of the comments flying about online about his promise to give us four bank holidays if he’s elected.
Critics have suggested the plan is a desperate attempt to get us to vote for Labour. Well of course it is. That’s what all the parties are trying to do. They are desperately trying to get you to vote for them.
If four extra bank holidays sounds good to you, then vote Labour. If not, vote for someone else. The Greens are offering three day weekends if you fancy that.
I’m not sure what the Tories are offering, but if they abolish GCSE revision, I know one 16-year-old who will come knocking on my door asking if he can have my vote again.
Do me a favour!