Secondary school-aged sexual assault victim speaks out about about 'lifelong ordeal'
A victim-survivor of sexual assault has described how she ‘has been taking life one day at a time’ as her abuser is jailed.
A secondary-school aged victim-survivor of sexual assault in South Tyneside has described how she ‘has been taking life one day at a time’ as her abuser is jailed.
The girl was sexually assaulted in the South Tyneside area by Harry Gray, now 24, initially as she slept before physically overpowering her once she awoke and made attempts to get him to stop.
The victim-survivor has shared how the effects of Gray’s crimes have had a lasting impact on her life.
She said: “I have had entire days where I don’t even feel real and had past depressive episodes so severe that I’ve had suicidal thoughts and even made plans on so many occasions.
“It is just easier to be alone.”
“I have had an intense fear of intimacy since my brain now sees it as a violent act and not a loving one.
“I’ve held such high standards for who can be in my life that it is just easier to be alone. I have been so scared to be taken advantage of again or being reduced to an object for someone else’s use, rather than being seen as a person.”
She continued: “Taking it one day at a time has been my way of dealing and having to live with this but this way of coping doesn’t work in any other factors of life.
“I am a real person with a soul and dreams, but both of these have been permanently altered because of what happened.
“I had so many plans for my life and so many dreams I could have achieved had I not been so depressed.
“I’ve lost all enjoyment in most things I used to do or those I’m expected to enjoy because I’m too afraid.”
She concluded: “The anxiety I face every day is overwhelming. I’m too scared to grow as a person and leave my comfort zone, questioning whether this will this happen to me again, runs through my mind time after time. I’ve held myself back from opportunities and cost myself so many new experiences, friends and relationships.
“I hold back from going to new places and speaking to new people, as not knowing the people around me and what they are capable of, is always on my mind. The energy I am using worrying about what someone could do to me, takes so much life out of me. The excitement I had to learn and experience new things has gone.
“A lifelong ordeal I must deal with.”
“The constant feeling of sadness and shame is something that has not gotten any easier and I have just found better ways to mask it. I have good days every now and then where I go hours or even the whole day without thinking about it.
“I start to think maybe I’m getting better and it’s over, but then there is always an end to that day, and I am back in my bedroom, alone, wishing that he had just killed me, instead of making this a lifelong ordeal I must deal with.”
After being arrested, Gray was interviewed by officers but denied anything untoward had happened.
However, following a complex investigation by Northumbria Police’s Safeguarding Department, in January last year, Gray was charged in connection with the abuse.
He stood trial at Newcastle Crown Court in August and was found unanimously guilty of one count of sexual assault.
On Thursday, September 24, Gray, of Dawes Street, Gillingham, Rochester, was sentenced to five years’ imprisonment.
He will spend the rest of his life on the Sex Offenders’ Register.
Detective Constable Kerry Kane, of Northumbria Police, said: “It’s clear from the words shared by the victim-survivor that Harry Gray’s crimes have impacted her enormously.
“I am so proud of the bravery she’s shown through a difficult court process, but I really hope that today’s sentencing hearing can signal the end of this process and the start of her onward journey.”
Anyone who has experienced any form of sexual abuse should contact police using the ‘Report’ pages on the Northumbria Police website, or send the Force a direct message on social media.
Anyone unable to report this way should call 101. In an emergency, or if a crime is ongoing, always call 999.
To report a crime anonymously, contact independent charity Crimestoppers by calling 0800 555 111 or by visiting their website.