'Are you looking after your teeth or chewing on a stick?'
If you’re serious about looking after your teeth, brush them before you eat. It’s a little known fact, which dentists never really mentioned when I was a kid, that brushing shortly after eating is bad for your teeth.
Something to do with scrubbing harmful food acids against your teeth that damages the enamel. Even though I know this, I rarely do it myself. Which probably explains why I was back at the dentists this week for a filling. The brushing fact was my ice-breaker, and the dentist confirmed what I said was true.
On the subject of counter-intuitive facts, you get wetter running in the rain than you do walking. So if it starts raining, you should saunter towards shelter, running will just get you wetter. You can thank me later…
Anyway, like I say, I was at the dentist for a filling. She numbed my gums and got down to business with the comforting instruction that ‘if it hurts, just raise your hand.’
Two minutes in and her drilling struck a nerve. ‘No problem,’ she said, ‘we’ll just numb it a bit more.’
She injected my gums again. Waited. And then continued with the same hand raising instruction. Two minutes later… and she struck a nerve again.
She asked me what the problem was. ‘It hurts,’ I said. ‘Do you want me to continue,’ she inquired, ‘or do you want me to numb the area more?’
Was she testing me? I mean, how many people say, ‘Nah, just keep drilling, I mean, it’s only pain.’ If she was after information, I’d tell her. I’ve seen Marathon Man.
Maybe she was unhappy at discovering I was onto her and the whole dental care industry scam and wanted me to suffer. ‘If word gets out about brushing before eating, we’ll be ruined.’
I called her bluff and asked for more numbness. By the end of the session, the entire side of my face was numb. Honestly, she could have taken my eye out and polished it and I wouldn’t have felt a thing (as it was, the receptionist did take my eyes out. £150 for a filling!). As a parting shot, I mentioned that I’d heard that for all the expense of toothbrushes, toothpastes and fancy flosses, chewing on a stick can be just as effective, in keeping your teeth healthy.’
‘I’ve never hear that one,’ she laughed. I checked when I got home. Chewing a stick is better!
If I die in a freak accident, please avenge me. It was the dentist what done it...